Somebody Order A McLady Of The Night?

I just got back from Micky D's where I'd been pouring about 2-1/2 hours into getting my relocation expense reports put together. I got there around 9:10 p.m. and had been downing soda like nobody's business while setting up paperwork, filing receipts, and all the other lame/boring stuff that one has to do in order to get through the accounting department's barberic rituals. Anyway, about 9:45 p.m. this chick walks in, orders her food, and sits down by the window. That's when things started to happen.

Disclaimer: I hope that no one really thinks McDonald's offers an item called the "McLady Of The Night." If so, I appologize in advance for any ridicule, embarressment, or jail-time you might have experienced when attempting to pick up your item. If you were somehow successful in your venture, I would ask that you please share the details of your ordering experience (keep it PG-13 though, there are kids on the internet). Anyway, this story involves a "prostitute" and should not be read by people who don't already know what that profession involves. I try to keep things clean around here, but it's kind of hard when dealing with this sort of subject matter. And now, back to our story.

First, a brief discription of the "lady" in question. For those of you who perfer pretty pictures, I have compiled an image for you to look over. Its likeness is uncanny.

Age: Around 27-ish

Height: 5' 10''-ish

Hair: Blonde/Brown

Complexion: White w/Light Tan

Weight: On The Thin Side

Outfit: Light Red Knee-High Strapless Dress

           Wide Leather Style Bracelet (Fossil?)
           Open Toe Dress Sandles

Belongings: Cell Phone (slider style)
                    Small Pink Purse
                    Backpack of Mystery

Please don't go looking around for people matching this description and asking them for "favors." Instead, what you should be taking away from this that she looked like any number of typical college girls who are about to go out clubbing for the night. Considering that it wasn't that late, and I was situated in Waikiki (night life central), I assumed this was the case. Infact, the only reason I actually took any notice of her in the first place was that she ordered a lot of food for someone her size, and most of it was dessert. All in all, she ordered: a Medium Fry, two Ice-Cream Cones, a Medium Milkshake, a Banana Pie, and a Soda.

She ate all that food over the course of 20 minutes and made it look like a routine experience. I have to be honest, I was jealous. Being able to eat like that and not have to invest in a XXXXL clothing line would be fantastic! But I degress. For the first 25 minutes, the only thing she did aside from nibble on her desserts was text on her cell phone. I just assumed (correctly, it turned out), that she was waiting to meetup with someone. After the first 15 minutes it did strike me as odd that she would be waiting that long, but whatever, I was engrossed with the facinating world of expense documentation. Then about 10:20 p.m., he, showed up.

Enter the 60-year-old man. No, I am not exagerating. This 60+ guy with white-hair, a hetfy beer-belly, sporting tight khaki shorts and a white junk t-shirt walks up to her and just starts going on about the remnants of her late-night eat-a-thon. I was kind of hoping that maybe this was just one of those old people who walks up to complete strangers and starts talking to them about how great a president Eisenhower was, or something along those lines. She didn't miss a beat, and jumped at the opportunity to chat him up. They ended up talking about places they had lived (LA, East Coast), previous work (sales, management), and what brought him to Hawaii (I don't recall). Even with all the obvious signs, I was still holding out hope that they were somehow related, which might have helpped me feel less queazy when he he pulled up a chair, sat right next to her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders...

Thankfully, this only lasted for a couple of minutes before the conversation arrived at the main topic of discussion: where was his hotel room? "Oh, right over there," he said, pointing to the building across the street from my apartment complex. "Really, that's pretty close. Good. Well, let's go." And with that, they stood up, grabbed her stuff, and headed across the street and into the hotel to conduct their business.

Now, I have been to Vegas. I have seen advertisements for call girl services litter the streets as if they were meant to be used as pavement. I have seen people blantently dressed to advertise their choice of professions infront of seedy dives and clubs. Howver, I have never seen something go down like this. I guess what really gets me is just how casual everyone was about it. From the way the girl dressed, to how the old guy just walked right up and started talking to her, to the nochalant way they got up and left together as though nothing strange had happened at all. I can't way I wasn't warned that that prostitutes existed here (thanks for the heads up Mike), but to be able to just walk into a McDonald's and pick one up blows my mind. Peace out.

- TiH